Doing the [write] thing can sometimes feel uncomfortable. My seeking approval to share my memoir was the first thing I instinctively thought I should do. After all, the ones I love and care about played such a role in my story, I wanted their opinion.
In the years it’s taken to write my book however, I’ve learned that not everyone has courage when it comes to speaking up. And not everyone has the same mustard seed of faith or willingness to take the risk because they don’t see the potential outcome of something great coming from it. I had a different vision and I knew this time, I couldn’t allow the opinions of even those I care about sway my decision to move forward with the publishing.
The truth is- I didn’t even tell my Mom I was writing a Memoir. My family would see me typing away on my laptop and my sister would tell her, “she’s writing.” Vague but true. My sister knew but didn’t want to be the one to break the news to her.
The truth was, I was afraid. So afraid of the judgement and criticism from my family or people looking at me differently once they knew all I’d been through or thinking I was just ‘airing out my business.’ For this reason, I went for completing the book first, then letting them find out later.
What I learned to be true was—If you want to make a world of difference; to help as many people as possible, then you have to follow the voice inside that permits you to do so, in whatever way that is.
My story may not be in approval by those I wrote about, but if you adjured me to speak my truth, then I’d ask you to err on the side of grace over judgement.
You know who I really needed to say this to though? Me. I needed to stop feeling bad about the life I lived and internally shaming myself. I had to sweep away the fearful thoughts and ignore all the negative made up what-ifs in my head. I had to simply applaud my accomplishment and give myself some grace because I wasn’t seeking perfection or approval. I had to believe this could turn into something big, successful, and that it could reach Aunty Oprah! I had to think about the people whose lives I would change. I just had to do the right and write thing and trust that this is all working out for the good!
You’re Waking Up, On the Inside.
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